Don't Be So Hard on Yourself
by cyke93
Summary: Basically comic background with some minor changes, early years with the 5 original XMen. Jean tries to console Scott after their first encounter with Magneto. Jean gets more than what she bargained for. Rated T for sexual content. Update: Decided to add
1. Chapter 1

Don't Be Hard On Yourself

Summary: Basically comic background with some minor changes, early years with the 5 original X-Men. Jean tries to console Scott after their first encounter with Magneto. Jean gets more than what she bargained for. Rated T for sexual content.

It was a long day. It was the X-Men's first missionagainst Magneto and his Brotherhood. In the end, the X-Men took a beating but managed to stop Magneto before he hurt any more innocent civilians. But to the five teens, who made up the X-Men, they saw it neither as a victory or as lost.Everyone got pretty banged up.After a mission debrief with the Professor and a quiet dinner, everyone headed to bed, exhausted. Jean finished brushing her teeth and changed into her comfort (sleep) clothes, gray sweats and a simple tank top.

She was worried about Scott. This was his first command of a mission outside the danger room. The professor praised everyone for a job well done but Scott didn't think so. Jean could tell he was beating himself up. He was extra quiet on an already quiet evening. In the few years she's known him, she found him to always be so critical of himself. The five of them have bonded in their time in Westchester, they were a family. Among them all, Jean came from the most stable of backgrounds. Hank was a castaway from his family after finding out he was a mutant. Warren came from a very wealthy family but they sent him away rather than deal with the embarrassment of having a mutant in the family, likewise for Bobby. Jean was not sent into exile but her parents sought Xavier's help after Jean had a mental breakdown after the death of her best friend. Her parents loved her and welcomed her home every time she did.

Scott, on the other hand, had no family to be ignored from. Jean knew he had been orphaned and had a hardest childhood of them all, but only Scott and Xavier knew the real story. Scott hardly says anything about his childhood. But one late evening when it was just Jean and Scott up, he opened up a little bit to her. He didn't tell her all the details but said that his parents died in a plane crash, to which he and his little brother barely survived. Jean didn't even know he had a brother. In fact, she thinks that no one else besides the Professor knew. His name was Alex and he was adopted before Scott woke up from his injuries. And that Scott was shifted around from foster home to foster before ending up on the streets and being discovered by the Professor.

His story pulled at her heart, but Scott didn't want her pity. And she didn't pity him rather it endeared him in her eyes. It explained a lot of why he was not as outgoing as the others and it completes the story as to why he always had to wear ruby quartz glasses. After that night, her and Scott became actual friends. The four guys were there before she came and they bounded easily (being guys). When she arrived, it changed the dynamics of things. She quickly became friend with Hank, Bobby, and Warren (especially). But Scott proved more difficult and just needed a little bit more time.

It was late and everyone was asleep. Jean got up and walked down the hall. Sure enough, she saw Scott's door slightly a jar and the light on. She peeked in and saw him sitting on his bed, his back towards the door. She knocked and Scott turned around and she let herself in.

"Hey Scott."

"Hey Jean. What're you doing still up?"

"Same reason why you are… how you doing?"

"I'm alright."

She sat down on his bed, both of them perpendicular to each other.

"You don't sound it."

"You must be a mind reader."

Jean gave a chuckle. He had a dry sense of humor and sense of sarcasm that could only come from Scott, which she found both funny and annoying at times.

"So you want to tell me what's up or do I have to probe you."

"Probe me."

Jean lightly punched his arm. Scott was the most disciplined and mature out of all of them, but he managed to sneak in a few dirty lines here and there. His head turned back towards the window. Jean continued to look at him and study him. He was wearing plaid boxer shorts and a white wifebeater. The state of his undress did not go unnoticed by Jean, she was after all a teenage girl in a house full of guys. It was no wonder her parents always called her to go home. She could sense he was tense, it was radiating out of him telepathically and physically.

"14 injured, 5 critically and 2 dead."

"Scott don't.."

"2 dead, Jean.. If we had just.."

She put his arm around him and rested her head against his shoulder. Scott wasn't very physical person but Jean knew he was upset.

"Don't do this to yourself Scott." She said softly. "Don't make it a numbers game.."

"There were just innocent people."

"Yes they were but we didn't kill them. If you were the one that flipped that bus open, then go ahead and blame yourself, but you didn't so stop it."

"This was our first mission.. our first mission.. what happens with number 2."

".. I'm sorry to disappoint you but I could barely read minds, let alone predict the future."

"This is not funny."

"No, it isn't but you're being too hard on yourself.. AGAIN. People were hurt..but what's important is that we stopped Magneto from hurting more pople.. killing more people… focus on that."

"But.."

"Shh!" She pinched his shoulder which made him flinch. "Yes we could've done more but we gave it our all out there.. that's all we could do.. be glad no more people got hurt.. be glad that none of us were hurt… well not too badly anways."

Scott paused before responding. "Remind me to ask the professor why he made me the leader?"

"Don't worry, I will." Jean said with a big smile. He finally smiled. Leave it to Jean to get him out of his shell. He felt better. He needed someone like Jean to calm him down and gain perspective.

"Finally, a smile.. its about time.. you're so tense .. see look (pinching his shoulder again)."

"Ouch."

She took her other hand and pinched his other shoulder.

"Hey cut it out."

"For the safety and sanity of future missions, you need to relax more .. starting now." Despite his objection, she continued to massage his shoulders, which after the day Scott went through, felt pretty good (though he didn't want to admit it). Jean stopped when she noticed some bleeding on the right side of his lower back.

"Scott, you're bleeding." With out realizing it, she immideatly lifted his shirt to reveal a small but bleeding cut. "Take your shirt off, let me fix that before it gets infected."

"Yes, Dr. Grey."

"Hmm.. Dr. Grey.. I like the sound of that.. now shirt off Summers !" Jean went into Scott's bathroom and came out with an alcohol and a bandage. Upon seeing Scott on the bed with only his boxers on did she realize that he was actually ON his bed with only his boxers down. She tried to put down out of her head as she sat back down and tended to his cut.

"Oww… that stings."

"Shut up you big baby, I will definitely remind the Professor why he made your our not so fear-less leader."

Jean finished tending to the wound when she noticed other cuts and bruises on Scott's body. She could tell some were from today, others were from before, while others looked much older than that. Jean inadvertently touched one, which Scott tried his best not too flinch from.

"Opps. I'm sorry."

"Really.. are you now?"

"Scott, these bruises and cuts.. you gotta watch out." She was tracing the outline of one of his cuts with her finger. Scott was getting uncomfortable but oddly enough at the same time he liked it. His neck turned body twisted to look at Jean.

She gave a nervous chuckle. "Opps.. sorry."

She was getting close too him, too close for Scott's taste. It was suddenly apparent to him as well that he was dressed only in his boxers while Jean was running her fingers down his back.

"Yeah I bet.. (trying to change things around).. I know you got banged up too today.. do.. do you want a ..um.." (offering his hands)

"um.. yeah actually that would be great.. thanks Scott."

".. um. Yeah no problem."

Jean sat on the side of the bed, Scott kneeled behind her. She parted her long red hair over her shoulders to expose her neck. Scott's hands were shaking a little bit and he tried to steady his nerve. He touched her gently and softly. She could see Scott through the mirror in front her. She never considered Scott to be ugly, quite the opposite, but she never thought of himlike "that."But looking at his reflection, she couldn't help but admit it. At first, she felt guilty. Scott was her teammate, her leader, a friend but she couldn't help it. Jean was confused, did she like Scott? She never thought of him as more than a friend but seeing him now and his gentle touch, she had an inclination inside of her that told her it was more.

For Scott, he had those, 'how did I get myself into this' feeling. From the moment he saw her, he knew she was attractive. Her red hair was even amplified through his redglasses. He didn't deny that, he was a guy after all. Attractive yes, annoying, that too, but she had a knack for saying the right things at the right moment (like this evening) and she laughed at his crude jokes and is a good listener. When she was touching him, he couldn't help but enjoy it, to which, he felt guilty himself. He was the leader, he was supposed to set an example but he couldn't help. And now his hands were on her. He also looked at the mirror in front of him and couldn't help but notice the 'snugness' of her shirt. Though he hid his feelings emotionally, physically however would prove beyond his control.

Jean felt it too. She was surprised at first but made no moves to indicate otherwise. Scott tried but couldn't stop his growing problem. Jean turned around and his hands stopped. She looked at him and they stared into each other's eyes (Jean managed to see his pupils through the glasses). Instinct had taken over and Scott leaned in and kissed her. As soon as he realized what he was doing, he stopped and pulled away.

"God.. Jean I'm sorry.. I didn't mean to.."

Jean was beside herself, shocked even but completely and utterly thrilled. Jean couldn't hold it in any further herself. She lunged on him before he could finish his sentence. He was now on his back with Jean on top of him. She kissed and this time neither of them held back. He wrapped his hands around her and they managed to reach down underneath her shirt. He tugged at it and Jean separated her lips from Scott's and allowed him to take off her shirt. Their waists were pressed up against each and Jean could feel Scott. They just stared at each other, as Scott's hands continued to roam. He reached her bra to which he approached it very slowly. His fingers reached the clasp,Jean just kept staring at him with a look that said "it's ok." He unfastened the bra and threw it on the floor. She fell back on top of him andkissed again.

He flipped her over and now he was on top. They kissed some more. Jean's hands wandered down Scott's back and sides, until they reached his boxers. They stopped kissing and Scott supported himself as Jean slowly pulled the boxers down. Scott's legs kicked around to help remove it. His boxers fell on the floor and they kissed again.

To Be Continued…

Note: Originally, this was supposed done in one shot, but the hour is late and I have to wake up early. I thought I would end it here since there's little left in the imagination as to what happens next. hehe


	2. Chapter 2

Don't Be Hard On Yourself: Part 2

Summary: Basically comic background with some minor changes, early years with the 5 original X-Men. Jean tries to console Scott after their first encounter with Magneto. Jean gets more than what she bargained for. Rated T for sexual content. Picks up directly from the last story.

--

He kissed her hard as her hands went further and further down his back. He was on top and in control, or so he thought. His left hand tugged at her sweatpants, the last vestige of clothing that remained between the two of them. As he tugged further, Jean suddenly had a change of heart.

"Wait, Scott. Stop."

"Huh? What?"

And the two of them looked at each other, panting.

"What're we doing Scott?"

"Well.. we .. we were.."

"Oh my God, this wasn't how I pictured my first time would be… there would be candles and music."

"Well my lamp has a dimmer .. and I could turn on the radio?"

"Oh God, what am I doing?.. I mean..you're naked on top of me."

Scott rolled off of her and lied down next to her. He took the pillow underneath his head and placed it on his groin.

"Thanks." Jean said as she grabbed onto Scott's sheets and covered her chest.

"No, Thank you."

The both of them lied there for a moment in silence; the only sound heard was the two of them catching their breath.

"You know, this isn't how I pictured my first time either."

"Really?" Jean said sarcastically.

"I at least thought I would have my own place or something."

"You're such a liar, this wasn't your first time."

"Is too, well not now obviously"

"Daymit Scott. This is serious.. it's all you fault."

"My fault!"

"You kissed me!"

"You kissed back, on top of that you lunged at me too!"

"You poked me!"

"You're shirts too tight!"

"What!"

"You ordered me to take off my shirt, gave me a massage, and came into MY room. This is YOUR fault."

"Well sorry, if I was trying to help out a friend… umm I think I should go."

".."

Jean rose up carefully and scanned the floor for her clothes. She got off the bed and Scott grabbed her wrist.

"Don't go." He said softly as he pulled her back onto his bed. She lied back down and the two of them were face to face.

"I don't think I'm ready for this."

"Staying doesn't mean we have to _do_ anything."

Jean paused then said. "Let it be known that YOU asked me to stay." Scott smiled and Jean smiled too. They bumped foreheads.

"So what are we doing Scott?"

"I don't know."

"Why'd you kiss me?"

"I don't know.. just felt like it."

"Did you ever want to kiss me before?"

"No.. yes..no.. maybe… you?"

"No.. no."

"Oh."

"But when you kissed me.. it felt .."

"Great."

"Better… and now look where we are.. for crying out loud your naked."

"Yeaahh.. the draft from my window keeps reminding me."

"This isn't funny Scott… you know .. it's been a long day.. stressful for both of us because of the mission. We just got caught up.. I mean you're a guy and I'm a girl so… well anyways ...we.. we should just put this behind us.. forget it happened.. I'll just gow now."

"Maybe you're right.. this was a tough day.. our first mission..but .. but I don't want to forget this.. whatever this is but.. but if you want to forget this happened then yeah you should leave."

They lied there for a moment in awkward silence.

"So.. you're still here." Jean wrapped her arm around Scott.

"So you can see through those glasses of yours..(they laughed).. you think we could just .. I don't know.. sleep."

"You read my mind… speaking of which.. you think you can hit the lights while I get my umm.. boxers."

And with a thought Jean flipped the light switch off, now only the moonlight peered in through the windows.

"You think you could NOT get your umm.."

"But then I'll just still be…(Jean gave him a dirty look).. why Miss Grey!"

"Shut up okay.. just cuz I can't get the prize at the bottom of the box doesn't mean I can't eat the cereal."

"Ha.. God, you're nuts, I love you." The words came out with no thought, for Scott it just came naturally. Jean looked at him a little stunned.

"Umm.. you know .. we'll forget _that_." Scott said embarrassed.

"Agreed." Jean quickly said. They laughed and kissed.

"God, this is my fault."

"Oh would you stop already, you're being too hard on yourself."

"I think that's what got me in trouble in the first place."

"Oh good lord Summers. It's both our fault…. But Scott seriously, about earlier today. We're going to face Magneto again and probably other lunatics like him.. we'll win some, we'll lose some.. just do me a favor and don't YOU loose it. You're our leader, we need you.. I need you. Now promise me next time you're not going to blame yourself for everything in the world gone wrong."

Scott smiled as Jean's words touched him and soothed him. It was no wonder those three little words flowed so freely from Scott's lips.

"I promise… Thank you by the way."

"You're very welcome."

Scott pulled the blanket over the both of them. Jean rested her head on Scott's chest, while her hand lay on top of his stomach. Scott had one arm wrapped around Jean and his other hand laid on top of hers above his stomach. They lied there for a couple of minutes before drifting off to sleep, both basking in each other's touch.

End.

--

Author's Note: As soon as I posted the story, I realized that they wouldn't do it, at least not so soon. So I changed it just a little bit. The initial idea for this story came while I was lying on my bed and my body was sore and I had a long day and wanted a massage myself. I also wanted Jean and Scott to be friends but she didn't necessarily have romantic feelings for Scott, or at least she didn't know they were there until he kissed her. Scott on the other hand was attracted to her, liked her but it came out when things got physical. They are after all teenagers in this story. Well, I hoped you enjoyed. Story is basically done, a continuation might be possible, though this was meant as being done in one shot.


	3. Chapter 3: Rocky Road

**Don't Be So Hard On Yourself: "Rocky Road"**

Summary: Takes place after the events in the first two stories.

Rating: PG 13

Scott laid back on his bed tossing and turning. It's been over a week since that night with Jean but he could still smell her scent on his bed. He thought back to that faithful morning, after they almost ahem.

It was 7 am and the faint sounds of someone walking woke both of them up. It was probably one of the other guys going to the bathroom. Still, it freaked both of them out. Jean quickly grabbed her clothes and managed to make her way back to her room before anyone noticed.

Scott could hardly believe at what almost happened. But then he kicked himself for what happened next, or rather what didn't happen next. Realty set in and they were both unsure as to what to do next. The week was filled with awkward "hi's" and they purposely avoided each other. But the past week had been busy. After their first mission, the professor saw it as an opportunity for improvement. The whole week was spent training in the danger room. The professor eventually eased up on them and they were going back to a more regular training regiment.

Scott knew that the eventual "talk" with Jean would have to happen eventually. But his mind was plagued with doubts and fears. Was it really just the heat of the moment? Did she want him to make the first move? Did he wait so long that he blew his chances? Scott grew tired of these questions. He got up and made his way down to the kitchen to get a late night snack. But when he arrived, he realized someone was already there.

It did not help Scott to see Jean fully bent over, wearing a tight pair of shorts, looking for something in the fridge. Scott wanted to turn around and run. The professor said Scott naturally shielded himself from telepaths. He was the only person in the house who could sneak up on Jean, something Bobby (the resident clown) asked Scott to do frequently. But Scott was getting tired with these games; he decided to stop being Scott Summers and start acting like Cyclops, leader of the X-Men. He has trained himself for battle against mutants more powerful than he. Surely, he can have a conversation with Jean. He cleared his throat to indicate that he was in the room.

Jean was startled and turned around to look at Scott. It was at that moment that "Cyclops" disappeared and poor Scott Summers returned. Jean had a spoon in her mouth and she was holding a carton of Rocky Road ice-cream. Jean was certainly surprised to see Scott, in his boxers no less. "Great" Jean thought to herself, how could she possibly go back to sleep now. There was an awkward silence.

"Fine you caught me, but it was Bobby who finished the chocolate chip." Jean said to try to break the tension. It worked and Scott let out a small smile.

"Care to join?" Jean asked, offering Scott a spoon. Scott accepted and they both sat down on the counter facing opposite each other, eating right out off the carton.

"So.."

"So.."

"Can't sleep?"

"Yep. You?"

"Yeah."

"So.."

"Alright, are we ever going to talk about this?"

"Talk about what?"

"You know what."

"The fact that we almost.."

"Oh you mean, the night you came into my room and tried to rob me of my innocence."

"Your blaming me!" Jean was getting mad and this only made Jean look more beautiful. Scott finally let go and let his emotions take over. "ME !I thought we went over.." But before Jean could finish her sentence. Scott dove in and kissed her passionately. Jean let her spoon fall in the carton of icecream as Scott's lips touched hers. Jean was caught completely by surprise. She was speechless.

"Umm.."

"You had a little ..icecream drool..(pointing to the side of her lips) .. so I just."

"Umm.. a napkin would've okay but.. thanks I guess." Jean said with a blank look. Then she quickly threw herself over the counter and pounced on Scott, locking her lips onto his. In the process, she knocked both of them over. Jean used her TK to keep them and Scott's chair suspended in the air. She gently lowered herself and Scott down. Now Scott was on his back, lying on the floor with Jean on top of him.

"You had a little something too." Jean said with a wicked smile.

"Thanks" Scott said with a big smile. "Nice trick you pulled there.. I'm glad all the training we put in this week paid off."

"Typical Scott to think of training during off hours."

"Well, I know a certain telepath who can make me change my mind." Said Scott as he flipped Jean over and now laid on top of her and kissed her. That night, they didn't do much in the way of talking. And the next day, Bobby opened the freezer and grew angry that someone let the Rocky Road melt and then put it back in the freezer.

Authors' Note: I planned a 3rd story but never got around to it. This one was actually quite different from what i had planned. I started to read some of the lines from the previous two stories and managed to type this up pretty fast. Hope you enjoyed.


End file.
